So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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