Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
