I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
