There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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