I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
