Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
