Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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