We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I need moral support for this bender
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
