I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
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Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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