doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
