I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
