Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
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Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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