Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
