OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
