Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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