When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
