Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
