I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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