i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
