He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
