I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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