i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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