my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
