i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
