i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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