did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
