dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
