Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize