Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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