He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
