And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
