I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
