the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
