I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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