i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
