you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
