i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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