I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
