just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
