a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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