I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
