there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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