The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
