never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
