Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
