Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
