And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
