I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
