Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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