Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
