I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
