The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
