Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Couch. On fire.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
