I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
