So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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