Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
