our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
