I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
