Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
