she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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