She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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