I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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