Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
