I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
