I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
