1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
