I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I love you.
Bad choice
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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