just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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