Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
