What did we do last night that was yellow?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
