I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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