Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
