I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
