we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
